She contemplates motherhood…

She decides she is ready
The timing feels right
She prepares mind, body, and spirit
She commits to the idea and surrenders

And when she is called upon to mother a child
When she is offered the role of a lifetime
She graciously accepts the honor

For nine months she observes
Her body shifting
Her mind opening
Her soul elevating

The life within her developing…

Her due date approaches
She feels ready, blessed
Eager to step into her new position

The umbilical cord is cut
And her greatest gift arrives
As she looks into the eyes of her newborn
She is overtaken by love

She thought she “knew” love, before

Embracing her child, she secretly vows
To guard her new treasure
To love, to cherish, to nurture…
Endlessly and unconditionally

With each new child, she recommits to motherhood
She prioritizes each one like the first
For her children are her world—
Her raisons d’etre

A “Mama Bear” at heart—she will do anything to protect
Her efforts to control, to fix, to solve, to repair
Are with only good intention
To soften the hurt—to shield all pain and suffering

Over time she learns the truth
She understands her “illusion” of control
She understands where the ultimate control lies
And so, she turns to God

She prays, daily, for her children’s well-being
For their health, safety, security, happiness…
She practices faith
She embodies trust

Over time she learns how to truly support her children
How to listen—even when it feels painful
How to forgive—and even ask for forgiveness
How to be with the suffering—and not try to solve it or fix it

As much as it hurts
And how it can hurt sometimes…
She never really feels ready
For the hurt…

Most mothers would agree
There is no greater pain
Than the pain of your child’s suffering
When your child’s heart breaks, so does yours
When your child is aching, physically or emotionally, so are you

Holding space for the pain
Witnessing it—feels hard enough
Now, imagine not being present with your child
In their dire moments of suffering

Imagine, not being there to hold your terrified child
Not being able to soothe and comfort him or her
In their time of need

I can’t
I cannot even go there…in my mind
I refuse to

This past month
We have watched mothers lose their children
We have witnessed the unimaginable
Mother and child torn apart

Such unspeakable suffering

We cannot fully grasp this horrific reality
For it feels too painful
We cannot find the words…
To do it justice

We cannot pretend to know the feeling…

But “they” have been forced to know it
The Mothers of the those murdered or taken hostage

I recently heard one mother address the United Nations
About her son, an innocent bystander
Who was taken hostage while attending a music festival
Ironically called “the festival of unity and love”

She found a voice within her brokenness to express some of her pain:

I, like all the mothers and fathers…and loved ones of the stollen
We all live on a different planet…
The planet of beyond pain and no sleep
The planet of despair and tears
The planet of agony

These Mothers were not ready
To enter into this alternate universe
To feel the pain of a bleeding heart
Which cannot be pacified

Empty of life, struggling to breathe,
Some grieving the ultimate loss
Others desperate to know
Whether they should be acting or grieving

These mothers were not ready…
To say goodbye…forever

I can’t say we are all wired for trauma
But I can say that as mothers—
We are all wired to be warriors
For our children we will always fight!

We will fight for what is “right”
For truth
For justice
For love

Not all fights have a good outcome
Some beginnings have the wrong endings
War and conflict breed loss, hatred, chaos
And oftentimes…hopelessness

Dear Mothers,

When life feels like or even is a losing battle
I beg you not to lose all hope
I beseech you to continue to find ways to connect
Even in silence…

Sit with loved ones and weep, together
Consciously choose to wrestle with God
For He wants us to connect
In both the light and the darkness

I cannot possibly know what you are feeling
And I never want to know it
But I do want to serve you
To hold you, emotionally, to support your healing

Whatever your experience of trauma, dear Mothers,
May you find your oxygen
And breathe…
One small breath at a time

May you find your footing
Your grounding, dear Women of Valor
One small step at a time

May you feel the warm embrace of all mothers
Holding you
Carrying you
Loving you

Anchoring you…
May we sit with you in the darkness
For as long as you need

She knows she is not ready…for this
The timing can never feel right…for this
She has no idea how to prepare mind, body, and spirit…for this

She somehow accepts her current reality
Without choice
And surrenders herself
Into God’s arms

Sincerely,
Coach Terri