Now in the midst of our second COVID spring, the cycle is repeating itself as we move through what feels like a never-ending global pandemic. 

It has been said that COVID has magnified many of our pre-existing conditions and emotional states. For many it has also uncovered subconscious trauma and childhood wounds (previously hidden and deeply buried). It is a very tricky time. It can also be a time and opportunity for deep introspection.

To process some of my pain, I retreat to the page. I write things down and then observe myself on paper to make sense of my life and explore my identity. This is the beginning of my healing process. I recognize that this is only the tip of the iceberg, but nonetheless, it offers a very clear starting point. 

I wrote this month’s blog offering both a poem and a prayer for me and for you, as I believe that our human suffering is universal. For some this may stimulate the need for deeper healing, to clear not only the mind but also the nervous system that carries the layers of trauma.

Healing is an unraveling that begins on the surface and moves deeper as it travels to the root. The unpeeling has a beginning and a middle, but it may never fully end. What counts is the journey. Allow me to share a part of mine.

Soul Sadness – A Poem by Terri Klein 

I feel as if something has died within me
The sadness permeates and suffocates
The mucus thickens in my body
I try to embrace my soul sadness
To touch and even welcome her
     I ask her what she needs
          “To be held,” she replies
               So, I hold her and remind her she belongs
                    “I am here with you, sadness, you are not alone”

I’m noticing my fear engulfing me
I’m so scared of the variants, of relationships lost, my children’s health
My body tightens and constricts—my head aches
I try to access the fearful places
To touch the vulnerability and welcome her
     I ask her what she needs
          “To be heard and accompanied,” she replies
                   So, I pay close attention, walk with her, and remind her she belongs
                        “I am here with you, fear, and I’m not leaving”

I feel as if my “unworthiness” story just won’t let up
I am an underutilized resource, a not good enough wife…
My body feels nauseous
I try to contact the uncomfortable feelings
To touch the “not good enough” part of me and welcome her
     I ask her what she needs
          “To be understood,” she replies
               So, I listen to understand, with curiosity, and remind her she belongs
                    “I’m right here beside you, unworthiness, and I get you”

It feels hard to contain the anger, disgust boils over
How can they not see or understand?
My body feels explosive
I try to contain her energy enough to reach her
To touch and somehow welcome her
     I ask her what she needs
          “Space,” she replies, “Some room to breathe”
               So, I do my best to create some space and remind her she belongs
                    “I recognize and allow you, anger, even your disgust”

There are times I want to run from all of my uncomfortable feelings
But I remind myself, “what you resist will persist”
And so, I welcome all of them as guests at my table
I remind them they are welcome and say “yes” to their energy
I practice “radical compassion”
I take the “exquisite risk”
I don’t run, rather I try to be with all of my vulnerable parts
I hold myself and repeat this nurturing message:
“I am so sorry for your suffering and I love you”

The uncomfortable feelings will continue to nag
Until we see them, name them, and acknowledge them
Until we give them a voice and hear them out
Until we hold them, care for them, and offer them what they need

Like us, they want nothing more than to be understood

My Healing Prayer
May we be mindful of all that is arising and become a kind witness
May we allow everything to belong while holding ourselves with compassion
May we pause and look into the interior of every uncomfortable emotion
That resides within every cell in our body
Sensing the stress and even the trauma
May we embrace all of it with a visceral tenderness
As we wrap ourselves with love and gently kiss our forehead
May we not wait for others to save or “fix” us
For they cannot heal us—but they can disappoint us
May we forgive them when they do

And may we forgive ourselves when we forget all of this
And subconsciously drive those feelings away
Thankfully, we can always try again tomorrow, or even possibly today…

Sincerely,

Coach Terri